Dance Beat (Mirror) Empowerment

I’m back, and it feels great.

I am listening to the Heavy Metal Lover Eargasm remix. Before reading further, I employ you to click on this link and play the song as you read along. It may add to the post, it may not.

Heavy Metal Lover is a Lady Gaga song off her sophomore album Born This Way. I have decided to write again and what better way to start then by listening to an artist that continually inspires me to be a better, more confidant person.  My thoughts are born out of this song, a remix I chanced upon earlier this afternoon.

The downbeat has now started. The uneasy feeling I get in this part of the remix is truly empowering. It revs me up, the synths rush through my body, it leads me to believe that I could if I want - take over. Tapping my feet, bobbing my head, I am no longer sorry. Can’t stop, won’t stop. Try me.

If only I felt this way. 

Anxiety and a feeling of waning focus is how I would honestly describe my two weeks at home. It’s draining to continually worry about the future and whether I’ll “make” it. As if I could plan or even conceive of what my future will look like. I need to soak in the present and let my heart guide the next steps. Music helps yes. In the meditation and soul searching I am bound to do this summer, I believe the music I listen to will not only give me confidence, but also clear my head. It’ll remove the excess baggage stored in my mind and leave an empty space for true trying thoughts to inhabit. Focus. Yes. On me.

Before I can help others, I need to help myself. Before I can be happy, I must first allow myself to be okay with the possibility that - yes there will be moments that I am unsatisfied, perhaps disappointed, but I will persevere. Others have done it, and so can I. I'm a bulldog goddammit, we don't give up :) 

I sound like a graduation speech. It’s the dance beat empowerment talking. The downbeats. 

Dah.   Dah.   

Tapping my feet, bobbing my head, I can’t help but move when I listen to this song. Smiling as I write, I’m thinking where has the time gone? When did we become college graduates? In 2008, 2012 seemed so far away. And now that 2012 is here, all of a sudden a career, marriage, kids seem so near. Slow down crazy, slow down.

What is crazy though? 

*fist pumps*

Mirrors. We all ought to look at them. In the reflection, the passage of time and the momentary present are wrapped up in one. The mirror has done what very few objects can do. It’s crazy

To think that in one instant we can see where we’ve come from and what we are now, really, who we are. What the mirror cannot predict is the future, how we will look, where we will live, who we will love. What I can do now, and what I want to do now is stare at my reflection with this impossibly good remix pounding in the background, and dance. Confidence, it's all in the reflection. 

OOOOoooOOOOoooOOOO.  Heavy Metal Lover.

Thank you dance beat empowerment. You give me strength for the future I cannot relent thinking about.

Chidi Akusobi

PS: This entry was more serious than the ones from last year lol. After rereading those, I thought "that shit cray"

PPS: I want to thank a couple of dear friends for getting me to write again.

Chris Cho. Seeing your passion for dance blossom over the years has truly inspired me to find an activity or hobby that gives me happiness and peace.

Cecily Sackey. Thank you for urging me to take up writing again and for always being a voice of reason in my life.

Regina de Luna. Thank you for getting me to blog again and in general being a friend that I can always always depend on.

I love you all. 

In truth, I just want to dance with friends. Too bad that won’t get me a nice house!