I Don’t Know What to Tell You Now

Hi. My name is Chidi Akusobi. And I'm a sauce-o-holic.

I love sauces. 
Sweet and Sour.

Chocolate.

Duck.

Honey Mustard.

And the Regina George of Sauces.

Barbeque 

My Fountain of Youth 

It’s scrumptious on meats, cheeses, pastas, breads, salads. 

It’ll make Vegemite delicious. 

Heck, I would even put it on General Tso’s Tofu...on condition that I’m forced to eat that dish. 

My first college essay draft was about how whenever I ate McDonald’s fries and nuggets, I combined BBQ and Sweat and Sour sauce to make an orgasmic blend of savory delight that elevated the intensity of the McDonald's fry-nugget experience  Mmm, I’m loving it.

Literally drooling right now.

My college counselor shot that essay down.  

And now I’m at Yale. 

True.

Yesterday I had lunch with a friend at CPK and ate a whole BBQ Chicken w/ Applewood Smoked bacon pizza (vegetarians: stay away) Calories 1360.  When I asked for Ginger sauce to drizzle on my pizza the waitress said “Oh you again!” and proceeded to get me a large saucer of sauce. 

I died.

Some of the drool just landed on my keyboard.

And by died I mean I was sufficiently embarrassed. It’s always shameful when a waitress recognizes you as the rambunctious kid requesting to eat the ridiculous.  

Food and healthy people have a wonderful relationship. Food is yummy, provides nourishment, and makes you feel better. Sometimes in college you feel down and want to scream out to the world “I JUST CAN’T.” Sometimes your college is even saying “You just can’t.” Well food is always something we can do.

Easily Rihanna's best song. 

And if food and company are just right, then you got yourselves a “What’s My Name” blasting in the background party. 

At the end of a stressful day, you will find me in my room 2AM devouring my double stuff (soon to be Triple Suff) Oreos after dipping each cookie 3/5-ths of the way into a cold oh so satiating glass of Sunny-D or CBJ. 

For those of you currently gagging at the thought of Oreos + Juice, it’s a “Stereo Love” party in your mouth.

And the party doesn’t stop till 15-20 Oreos later.

Milk is like a dining hall Aaron Carter party. Trite and Uncool. 

Zac Efron = Aaron Carter 2.0

And for those of you judging Sunny-D, don’t front like if you were at a pregrame, you wouldn’t be using it as a mixer and guzzling your drink down like the thirsty college student you are. I see through your poker faces.

If I make it big, excuse me. When I make it big, Sunny-D on the rocks will be my drink of choice. I’ll always be Chidi from the block, but living in an estate.

For those of you who know me, I have big Nemo-esque dreams.

They include

1. living in a banging house. 

2. having a closet that I can also live in.  

3. throwing infamous dinner parties (with place card holders!)

I sometimes wonder how much of my dreams have been inspired by Laguna Beach.

Of course none of these dreams may be actualized and I’m okay with that. 

Shoot for the sun so if you miss you’ll at least land on the moon 

–Ngozi "my mom" Akusobi

One of my biggest wishes in life is that all my friends are happy and successful in the future. Admittedly, there is a tinge of selfishness in this wish. Lady Gaga says “I want lots of friends who invite me to their parties.” This line is brilliant. It’s a simple and direct wish that I believe is a universal want.

Girls (and Boys) just want to have fun. 

Humans are social animals and we like to have fun. Blame our primate roots. Gregariousness is our MO, our prerogative, and we can only hope that in our futures, amidst the stresses of children, a career, and unappreciative or absent spouses, we can count on our fabulous friends,

Pool boys,

And babysitters 

To have fun.

(Desperate Housewives style)

More importantly, friends are the pillars we call on for personal strength and confidants who we celebrate our accomplishments with. In the distant future, I want to be invited to give the introduction speech of a friend who’s won a prestigious award.

Here’s how it’ll go down if I were to introduce-say Anusha Raja, M.D. for the Humanitarian Award from the Elie Wiesel Foundation for Humanity.

I’ll walk on stage wearing a delicious designer gray suit with navy blue embroidery. I’ll give a brief introduction of myself and of course thank the crowd for making it out tonight. I’ll then put the picture below on the overhead projector. 

20 year old Anusha and Me before she owned our hearts.
And the world.

I’ll say...

“This is Anusha and me in college, before the wrinkles and heartburn. Back when Facebook was as ubiquitous as water and having kids was a cute and distant dream."

And although my heart will be beating with a boom baboom boom boom nervousness, I’ll give a holistic portrait of Anusha (or any friend) with emotional intensity stemming from deep seated feelings of camaraderie and love. The crowd will hop out their seats and give a rousing standing ovation as Anusha walks on the stage and gives me a warm hug. 

I’ll cry. She probably won’t cry. We’ll whisper to each other (an inside joke), we’ll both chuckle, and Anusha will then take the stage, ready to encapsulate the crowd with her life's work.  

Denzel Washington = Me.
Morgan Freeman = Anusha.

You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.

Right now, we’re all bounded by invisible networks that we should utilize in the future. Say you need an advertising campaign for the drug your lab discovered. Call up my home girl Kelisha T. Menon, President of Saatchi and Saatchi.

Oh, you’re looking to publish a memoir at age 40 because that’s what you do when you’re a boss, let me connect you to the queen of publishing, Leah M. Rajaratnam.

Damn! You just got deported? Here. Take down the number of the best immigration and human rights firm, founded by Katherine E. Haas, JD.

Easily Rihanna's 2nd Best song.

That’s what’s great about friends.

When the sun shines, we’ll shine together.

But if it’s raining in the future, you can stand under my umbrella. I mean it.  

Humans are not only social beings but also chameleons. We are especially capable of absorbing our surrounding culture and a group's idiosyncrasies. Infants and children are masters at this but even now, in our ripe young 20s, we are inexplicably influenced by our environment.

That’s why I believe there is no such thing as a dumb child or smarter race. There are only unproductive or productive environments. A certain friend of mind studying the genetic basis of human traits in Sweden might disagree with me and I respect that. There is a reason the Nature vs. Nurture debate continues till this day. You can probably tell which side of the argument I adhere to.

Looking ahead, I hope we all forcibly place ourselves in environments that’ll challenge us and make us grow as individuals and global citizens.

Oops I did it again. I pontificated. Sorry for that sexy word.

I figure, if I studied 500 GRE vocab words, I should incorporate them into my quotidian lexicon.

That’s right. Look up quotidian! (I made it easier for you with the link) 

And in true Lost fashion, watch as I relate the end of my post to the nebulous title I gave it.

The title, “I Don’t Know What to Tell You Now” is a lyric from the Lady Gaga song Second Time Around. I titled this entry with that lyric because it’ll never happen. I’ll always have something to say, an opinion to express, and a story to tell. After all, I was once a playwright :) 

My mind, your mind, is filled with memories and ideas that are waiting to be further explored and flushed out. A stagnant mind is a dead one.

I pontificate therefore I am.

I can only hope that at the end of my posts, you leave satisfied with what you read. 

Last time I left you with a Judas inspired photo.

This week, I’ll do you one even better!

A Judas inspired video. Enjoy. 

From your Holy Fool,

Chidi Daniels Akusobi

Song of the Week: Super Bass

Nicki Minaj aka. Lady Gaga of R&B sing raps about the attributes of a man with a super bass that makes her heart go boom baboom.